4 Jan’s Calendar Reminders
[displayed on screen]
“Soooo quick. Can we go again?”
“Thought it would never end.”
“One of these quotes comes from my ten-year-old daughter after getting off a rollercoaster,” says the professor. “The other is me after the same ride. Can you guess which is which?” Jan squints at the screen from the side of the hall, wishing she could shuffle a few places closer. She remembers back to when her Steven was ten – thirty-odd years ago. They’d had a rollercoaster ride all right.
“Time perception shortens with pleasure or reward, so we underestimate the duration. In fact, I conducted an experiment with my daughter by setting a stopwatch on said rollercoaster. Afterwards, we guessed how long it had taken. She swore it couldn’t have been more than one minute.”
Jan makes a mental note to go on a rollercoaster. Every day, something new. Besides, she might get a discount now she’s a pensioner. She can even do the professor’s time experiment. “Perception after trauma is lengthened. At the time, I estimated fairly accurately, ninety seconds, but when I think back to my stomach turning upside down, it felt like it was ninety hours.”
Jan knows all about trauma. Suffering in silence through the lies, the stealing, and the failed interventions until she turned Steven in. Returning to finish the degree she started all those years ago was supposed to breathe new life into her, but she comes home each night so tired.
“And it’s not only pleasure and pain. Time quickens as you age. To my daughter, a school day is still quite a new experience and feels long, whereas I’ve done a few.”
He’s showing off now, displaying photos of him receiving certificates and awards in a gown. “Without novel experiences, the years fly away.”
A lump forms in Jan’s throat. Mr Luca is right. Steven was locked up three years ago today. She can’t keep her life on hold any longer. “Sometimes,” says Cangemi, “a change really is better than a rest.”
Daily Reminders
- Walk alternative route to uni
- Read in different room, different seat
- Listen to new song from Steven’s CDs
Weekly
- Add new picture to photo album
- Cook something for first time. Post recipe in support group
- Challenge: strike up conversation with homeless person
- Write another poem about him
- Visit the beach where S went on day release
End of Term List
- Join new club at the parish hall. Pilates? Bridge?
- Read trashy novel for fun
- Sell his car. Buy something nice at auction
- Get a new look. Nails + cut and colour
Goals
- Put your graduation picture next to his
- Give talk about drugs to schoolchildren
- Do a silent meditation retreat
- Find out inquiry date. Answers?
- Visit churchyard. Clean the headstone
- Read him your poems
- Forgive the guards for their negligence
- Forgive the dose that killed him
- Forgive yourself
- Visit a theme park. Measure time on a rollercoaster
Time elapsed: one eighteen-millionth of the jail sentence a son never finished